Dont know how to start but well, I hope everybody is doing fun and great out there. Actually right after the cyst operation everything back to normal and didnt expect that I'm going to face another problem which was some symptom that caused me to have to see the doc back..not gonna explain in detail coz I bet not all of you will understand that but due to this it caused me to have an emotional breakdown and ianya berterusan until bulan April..I lost 10 kgs..I cant sleep well at night feared of uncertainty things..I worried too much..I start hospital shopping by seeing various specialist padahal in fact I am healthy.
I have a very supportive husband at home yang tak pernah jemu bagi nasihat and kind of motivation. But honestly, bila fikiran kau macam dikongkong dalam kepala, it's hard to accept the advice and all those motivation words sebab kau akan fikir yang apa yang kau fikir tu paling betul
It does affected my career as well and lucky me to have a very understanding and supportive boss yang tak jemu2 everyday checking on me..thanks a lot and I do not how to repay back. I did think of taking an unpaid leave for unknown days to help me cool down but the boss insist untuk I still datang kerja because if I were left alone at home doing nothing, anything could happen.
Slowly, bulan May dah start recover and benda yang paling penting adalah..not too think too much and redha dengan semua yang dah ditakdirkan. Aside from the ups and downs of emotion, another issue did hit me badly and again I dont want to detail it as well. It is really a traumatic experience to know that..you have been suffering an emotional breakdown due to that issue and also to think of your health issue as well. Everything happen at the same time and it is a real mental torturing moment to know that everyday you never fail to cry and ask 'Why this happen to me?" and sometime cry for no reason. Even dekat ofis pun I tak boleh pay attention to work instead of just googling..
I did went to see the psychiatry as the last option. I admit all the advice given by the psychiatry but in the end, I realize that it is only me who can actually advice myself.
I admit that I am not a good person, but I have to admit that those experience changed me a lot. Sometime I think that it does not change me to a better person, but it twist me to another personality. I really feel that I am not myself and I still find the courage to bring back the old me..the old Farhana who only think about shopping and travel instead of unnecessary thing..haha
Move on is the hardest thing to do but that's the only option left to have a normal life back
I love everyone around me, forgive me for whatever that have changed my behaviour / personality
Hope to have a brighter days ahead..and I have the old me back :)..I do miss my old me
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