After a long hiatus...

Hi all...setelah almost 5 months senyap sunyi takdak khabar berita..haha..well i'm back tapi tak janji akan update selalu blog sebab kekangan masa antara kerja lagi..familiy lagi..hihi. Too many things had happened to me for the past 5 months and it did changed me 360 degree

Dont know how to start but well, I hope everybody is doing fun and great out there. Actually right after the cyst operation everything back to normal and didnt expect that I'm going to face another problem which was some symptom that caused me to have to see the doc back..not gonna explain in detail coz I bet not all of you will understand that  but due to this it caused me to have an emotional breakdown and ianya berterusan until bulan April..I lost 10 kgs..I cant sleep well at night feared of uncertainty things..I worried too much..I start hospital shopping by seeing various specialist padahal in fact I am healthy.

I have a very supportive husband at home yang tak pernah jemu bagi nasihat and kind of motivation. But honestly, bila fikiran kau macam dikongkong dalam kepala, it's hard to accept the advice and all those motivation words sebab kau akan fikir yang apa yang kau fikir tu paling betul

It does affected my career as well and lucky me to have a very understanding and supportive boss yang tak jemu2 everyday checking on me..thanks a lot and I do not how to repay back. I did think of taking an unpaid leave for unknown days to help me cool down but the boss insist untuk I still datang kerja because if I were left alone at home doing nothing, anything could happen.

Slowly, bulan May dah start recover and benda yang paling penting adalah..not too think too much and redha dengan semua yang dah ditakdirkan. Aside from the ups and downs of emotion, another issue did hit me badly and again I dont want to detail it as well. It is really a traumatic experience to know that..you have been suffering an emotional breakdown due to that issue and also to think of your health issue as well. Everything happen at the same time and it is a real mental torturing moment to know that everyday you never fail to cry and ask 'Why this happen to me?" and sometime cry for no reason. Even dekat ofis pun I tak boleh pay attention to work instead of just googling..

I did went to see the psychiatry as the last option. I admit all the advice given by the psychiatry but in the end, I realize that it is only me who can actually advice myself.

I admit that I am not a good person, but I have to admit that those experience changed me a lot. Sometime I think that it does not change me to a better person, but it twist me to another personality. I really feel that I am not myself and I still find the courage to bring back the old me..the old Farhana who only think about shopping and travel instead of unnecessary thing..haha

Move on is the hardest thing to do but that's the only option left to have a normal life back

I love everyone around me, forgive me for whatever that have changed my behaviour / personality

Hope to have a brighter days ahead..and I have the old me back :)..I do miss my old me

Pengalaman Ovarian Cyst - Seriously Unexpected!

Salam korang. Writing this in the middle of night sambil merehatkan badan for a 1 week MC leave...ujian Tuhan datang dari pelbagai bentuk dan seriously aku tak sangka aku antara yang terpilih untuk melalu ujian menghidap ovarian cyst. I believe yang ovarian cyst can be quite common to woman tapi untuk aku yang jarang ada masalah period, takde menstrual cramp, period regular every month and period last on normal cycle memang tak pernah terfikir pun lah pasal penyakit nih

 

Semuanya bermula with abnormal period cylce from Nov - Dec last year and first i thought that the main caused was all about stress..yesss I was so stressed with office works and etc..easily get stressed! Sabar dulu untuk schedule for checkup tapi somewhere by end of December mula rasa unusual as being me yang sentiasa nak kepastian punca kepada setiap masalah dalam diri aku nih, aku arrange for an ad-hoc appointment to see gynae at Prince Court. First choice nak seek Dr Tan, my previous gynae yang handle my delivery and miscarriage tapi unfortunately his clinic was not available on that day, so next option is Dato Dr Abd Aziz Yahya..

credit : Prince Court website

 

Ternyata pilihan aku sangat tepat as he is specialist in gynaecology and his personality really make me feel comfortable walaupun sometime the way he speak to deliver the information is on "suspens" mode..haha.

 

Dr : Please explain about yourself 

 

Me : (Cerita dari A until Z dari miscarriage, period irregular last Nov and etc)

 

Dr : OK. Sekarang meh kita buat scan untuk identify the caused if have

 

Me : ok sure

 

preparation for scan assisted by Dr's nurse

 

Dr : (after few minutes scan perut) now we can see the caused...you have a cyst at left ovary. hmmm the measurement at 3cm..look, if you dont have your period today, I will ask you to go back first and come back to see me later during your menses day because sometime cyst can dissappear during menses day

 

Me : Saya tengah period Dr, to be exact on Day 2

 

Dr : Ohh if that the case, then this is a problematic cyst. I do not know what's inside the cyst, it could be a water, accumulated blood, nanah, ketulan daging and etc. But looking at the shape of your cyst, probably it is most likely not a cancer. Cancer has a more sharp / rigid feature..but yeah we will only know if we do the operation to take it out

 

Me : (rasa nak berjurai air mata walaupun Dr cakap bukan cancer) Rasa remuk rendam hati and rasa macam dah takde hari esok huhuhu

 

Since that day aku jumpa Dato Dr Aziz alone secara appointment mengejut, Dato mintak aku datang with husband on next visit so that boleh discuss if nak proceed with surgery or just let it be inside, depend on my choice. Wife kalau nak buat decision kena ada suami ya!

 

Penantian kepada tarikh jumpa Dato seterusnya adalah sangat merengsakan dan ibarat sejuta tahun sebab ada banyak public holiday and Dato pun ada amik 1 week leave.

 

Suprisingly time menunggu next appointment date tu aku masih ada mood menghadiri majlis kahwin rakan sekolah di Johor dan shopping sakan jugak di JPO especially dekat Coach ;p

 

4th January 2019

 

Hari yang dinantikan telah tiba....penuh berdebar tunggu nak jumpa Dr

 

Dr : If you choose for a surgery, we will do a laparoscopy surgery and next available date is on 16th Jan @ 4pm, ok?

 

Me & Hubby : Setuju Dr, the earlier the better.

 

Dr : Ok meh kita scan perut awak sekali lagi. Mana la tau rezeki awak cyst tu mengecik, kita pun tak tau kan..kita doa sajalah yang cyst tu mengecut and it's your luck

 

(while doing the scanning)

 

Dr : Alhamdulillah..cyst dah mengecik, aritu letak alat scan nih terus dapat detect, ni dok cari-cari baru jumpa. dah kecik dah around 2 cm

 

 

 

Me : (aku rasa nak sujud syukur kat situ sebab tak sangka mengecut sikit)..legaa nya hati saya Dr!

 

Dr : Since you ada cyst and have been trying for 7 years to get pregnant but yet tak de rezeki lagi, so at the same time during laparoscopy, I  will vacuum out the cyst ,then I will check on your fallopian tube as well nak tengok if tersumbat or not.

 

Me & Hubby : Kitorang setuju je Dr

 

Note : Aku ada amalkan keep consuming Blackmores Fish & Evening Primrose Oil. Not saying that this is one of the caused my cyst mengecut but as a supplement, no harm to consume it for the sake of the body

 

16th January 2019

 

Morning lepas hantar Aqeil for KAFA school, hubby drive me to Prince Court for ward admission at 9am. Issuance of GL, letter for ward admission semua nurse dah setelkan on 4th Jan aritu, so memang lenggang kangkunglah masuk wad.

 

 

Lepas setel pas semua borang, ada nurse dari wad Gynaecology akan datang escort ke bilik

 

 

View for standard room. Probably that day was my lucky day - got a room with KLCC view

 

 

such a nice view..kalau takde kesakitan, pastinya view ni akan dapat dinikmati dengan sepenuh hati.

 

Walauapapun yang terjadi, aku tetap redha dengan ujian ni. Mungkin aku banyak sangat merungut dengan workload dan stress di ofis dan seringkali mengungkapkan kata-kata kepada kawan-kawan yang aku ingin cepat-cepat hamil supaya aku dapat merasai maternity leave lama and left the office stress behind. Secara indirectlyTuhan mendengar kata-kata aku dan hantarkan ujian ni sebagai "hadiah" supaya dapat jugak aku berehat seketika dari hal-hal dunia. Jadinya aku terima ujian ini sebagai hadiah dan juga peringatan untuk diri aku

 

Sepanjang di wad, pelbagai prosedure telah dilalui dengan injection untuk memudahkan acara buang air besar, ambil darah, ujian air kencing, check blood pressure and etc. Masa berlalu sangat lambat sedangkan aku sudah tak sabar menanti 4pm for the operation.

 

 

Akhirnya, around 3.30pm beberapa nurse masuk ke bilik aku dan bersedia untuk menolak katil aku ke wad pembedahan. Perjalanan dari Wad Gynae Tingkat 6 sehinggalah ke Operation Theatre Tingkat 2 sangat mendebarkan. Walaupun just a minor surgery but anything can happen sebab I'm gonna be on full bius and tidur semasa pembedahan berlangsung.

 

Around 5.10pm, aku tersedar dari tidur. Rasa lega yang amat sebab pastinya pembedahan telah berakhir. Cuma masih ada sedikit debaran dalam hati untuk mendengar kata-kata Dato Dr Aziz mengenai cyst yang dijumpai di dalam perut.

 

Dato Dr Aziz telah arrange for 1 night stay for me and I will be discharge tomorrow. Actually ada je yang balik rumah on the same day, so depend lah ya. Macam aku, since menu kat hosp sangat menyelerakan..why not stay! hihi

 

 

Malam tu babysitter Aqeil dan adik aku ada melawat di hospital walaupun time diorang sampai around 9.20pm dah lebih waktu melawat. Selebihnya aku melayan mata yang masih macam mamai nak tidur. haha. Actually at 5.30pm I woke up teringat hal kerja ofis sebab ada one task due date today (17/1/19). Gigihla baca terms and condition subuh hari bagai sampai rasa nak bentan perut sebab duduk lama..well, look Farhana you still can't get rid off your work! Laki aku dah bising siap pakej bebel and aku pulak tak sampai hati nak letgo everything kepada my assistant yang newly joined the team (walaupun dalam hati..please farhana, this time you have to let go!)

 

Yes, I am a responsible person for whatever task being delegated to me and for what I've been responsible for, but I care too much till it burden myself, haishhh

 

Pagi at around 8.45am - having my breakfast with Aqeil. He loves hospital sausage so much ;p

 

 

Then nampak kelibat Dato Dr Aziz pay a visit...

 

"Well, I have all good news no bad news!"

 

aku rasa nak melompat atas katil hospital dengar ayat Dr haha..

 

"Your cyst contain accumulated blood and I dah vacuum out. You have a lot of darah terkumpul kat belakang rahim and yang tu pun I dah clearkan..basically the reason is beacause of retrograde menses. Meaning to say, darah period yang lama-lama dok terkumpul kat belakang rahim tak keluar habis...jangan risau semua I dah clearkan. Another good news, your tube fallopio takde blockage jadinya mungkin you takde rezeki lagi menimang anak, jadi kena kuat berusaha lagi"

 

'Alhamdulillah"  aku rasa lega sangat dan bersyukur sangat takde apa yang bahaya..no wonderla lepas keluar OT memang melimpah period keluar, memang Dr dah clearkan habes

 

Around 11.30pm dah boleh discharge, so summary of discharge as below:

 

 

and the bill for all the procedure incurred due to ovarian cyst (paid by the insurance company)

 

 

Terima kasih Dato Dr Aziz untuk consultation, nasihat, pandangan dan usaha semasa pembedahan. Terima kasih untuk my hubby yang very supportive walaupun tersepit dengan acara team building in between. Terima kasih untuk nurse-nurse wad gyne yang sangat baik dan finally terima kasih untuk ahli keluarga dan kawan-kawan atas doa kalian..it means a lot to me walaupun this is only a minor surgery.

 

Semoga kita semua diberi kesihatan yang baik dan berpanjangan...ameeen

 



Hari Pertama Persekolahan..

Salam semua and Happy New Year!!

Awal-awal tahun ni mesti semua tengah bizi dengan anak anak nak masuk sekolah, especially new mommy and daddy yang anak dia baru nak darjah satu tu..macam aku jugak lah, yeay kita geng! Mula-mula semangat nak membeli barang sekolah memang membuak-buak sampaikan end of November aku with incik hubby sudah start shop till drop barang sekolah di Jusco Mid Valley. Untung la jugak sebab ada baki voucher Jusco boleh guna so ada penjimatan kewangan di situ hehe

 

Surat pemberitahuan hari orientasi sekolah dah dapat early December, and on the orientation day aku mula mula cuak jugaklah takut tetiba Aqeil macam culture shock sebab sekolah kena independent sendiri..lainlah kat tadika dulu rehat cikgu bawak makanan jamu depan mata, kali ni kau kena bawak diri sendirilah yer ke kantin. tu tak kira lagi acara berebut beli makanan siap tolak-tolak..haish pening aku memikir haha. Aku punya panic attack siap takut anak aku jatuh tangga lah..kang berlari tak tengok masuk longkang ke..aktif jugak budak ni tau

 

Alhamdulillah on the orientation day everything went well..Aqeil takde nangis cuma kejap-kejap kepala dok tertoleh toleh cari aku ngan apaknya haha..ada peperiksaan jugak pagi tu but not sure untuk rombakan kelas later sebab kalau ikut Dr Maszlee dah takde any examination kan kat school?

Sebenarnya agak huru hara jugak malam sebelum orientasi sebab aku baru teringat rambut macam panjang baru sibuk keluar nak cari kedai mamak potong rambut..pastu jahit lencana pun bleh lupa..nasibla tie bebudak ni jenis instant..kalau tak jenuh melilit mak hang!

mak mak yang setia menemani anak sekolah..haritu saja straight aku berdiri tak duduk, balik rumah kebas lutut haha

susah angat budak ni nak makan breakfast..kalau mak-mak lain anak dah request menu nak makan so semangatlah sikit nak masak. Anak aku? Jenuh dok suruh makan..hai laaa

dulu mama cukup takut dengan buku hijau rekod pergigian tuh..mesti rasa berdebar nak luruh jantung nampak van klinik gigi masuk sekolah..haha

 

mak merangkap admin keluarga ;p

Aku memang apply long leave starting from orientation day sampai la first week of school session. Sempat jugak tuh menyelit balik Langkawi kejap..tau sebab apa? Sebab angkut semua 5 helai baju sekolah KAFA dan 5 helai baju sekolah kebangsaan untuk request mak tolong jahit lencana...hehehe takde la nak nyusahkan mak, tapi dah mak cakap bawak je balik so memang aku packing semua dalam bag lah gigih heret bawak balik walaupun berat oii. Mak aku ni former tukang jahit tau..dulu-dulu banyak ambil tempahan baju but now since she's getting older cuma yang dah selalu tempah je dia ambik. Kalau dulu aku berbulu je tengok budak-budak dok mai umah aku bawak selonggok baju sekolah suruh mak aku jahit lencana and mak aku caj seringgit je kengkadang..

On the first day of school session, masa ni parents di benarkan tunggu di kawasan sekolah untuk tiga hari. Jadinya kitorang start the day with sekolah KAFA..aku memang pilih sekolah KAFA di bawah seliaan Jabatan Agama Islam Selangor instead of swasta sebab rasa terjamin sikit diselia oleh kerajaan. Kekdahnya masa sampai sekolah KAFA mak salah pakaikan sampin haha..overall aku suka je suasana sekolah KAFA sebab waktu persekolahan dari 7.30am until 10.30am..anak aku dah biasa bangun awal pagi soo no big issue on that..cuma ada la jugak terbit rasa kesian sebab pagi sekolah petang pun sekolah macam exhausted sangat..takpela Aqeil, kita try dulu ya..Mama dulu sekolah di Kedah takde pegi sekolah agama, so sekolah kebangsaan sesi pagi jadi balik petang membuta tido ;p

Dah setel ambil dari sekolah KAFA, bawak pegi makan lunch dulu then bali rumah tukar baju semua..rehat kejap and around 12.30pm hantar pegi sekolah kebangsaan pulak. Sekolah kebangsaan ni mencabar sikit sebab luas dan besar so nak kena guide kat mana toilet..kat mana kantin..kat mana koperasi and especially tempat perhimpunan. Masa first day agak chaous but next day dah okay.

Petang balik pukul 6pm memang aku dah sedia terpacak di pagar nervously waiting for Aqeil..mak risau anak sesat tak jumpa jalan keluar..poyo sangat! haha Dari jauh Aqeil cekap je nampak aku terus lambai-lambai..aku ni je berbuih mulut dok pesan kalau tunggu mama or Umi (my babysitter) if lambat ambil mesti tunggu dalam pagar, jangan keluar!

The next day semua dah kembali normal cuma until today while I am writing this, Aqeil still tak try lagi beli makanan sendiri di kantin dan jugak buang air kecil di sekolah! haha risau aku dok tahan kucil..Yang dia pandai dah tau apa? Beli pemadam dekat koperasi untuk main lawan pemadam dengan kawan..ohemjeee..mak tak ajar tau beli dekat koperasi kau dah start membeli haha and lagi aku rasa nak marah tapi kena control is...HARI HARI okay beli pemadamm..aku siap warning kalau main lawan pemadam if dapat banyak pemadam..kena pulangkan balik semula! setakat ni aku tengok pemadam dia seketul dua je takde bawak balik selimbun walaupun hari-hari beli ;p

And latest yesterday, balik dengan bibir pecah sebab kena ada girl tarik ajak main kot jatuh tersembam dalam kelas KAFA..aku tanya nangis tak? Dia cakap nangis hihi Aku ok je kalau setakat luka-luka macam ni sebab budak baru nak berkawan..takde la nak jadi tak tentu hala nak pergi serang budak / mak budak..cuma kalau serious sampai bertumbuk terajang bagai kena pay attentionlah takut kes buli..macam ni girl je yang tak sengaja kot tarik..alaaa Aqeil oii, girl pulak yang kasar ni cemana? haha

Ok till then, hope for your kind doa to pray for my speedy recovery later and the operation is doing good. Nervously waiting for my turn for laparoscopy....

Love, Me